THE PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS GIVES GOOD HED

"Ozzie gets off with limp slap on wrist"

"Actor Cantone outed by a straight"

DEAR KRISTIN HERSH

Sure, I'll be glad to see 50FOOTWAVE in Portland, but how 'bout a Throwing Muses reunion warm-up show while you're at it? I'll even lead the collection drive for David's plane ticket.

JOHN HALL FOR CONGRESS!

So I was leaving my office in the Dirksen Building to go vote on HB 1312, when I realized that I left my penis on the credenza in Denny Hastert's office.

Wait, he didn't write that one? Oh well. Sounds like a good candidate anyway. He's "still the one".

SINCE FRANCES FARMER'S NOT AVAILABLE

Courtney Love is Nikki Finke.

AND WE LIKE BRAD DOURIF FOR GARY LUCAS

Rider Strong is Jeff Buckley.

SITTING HERE WATCHING OLN

You mean you're not tuned in to The NHL Awards yourself?

What I'm wondering is, which is more popular in America, hockey or Tom Cochrane?

Whereas 54*40, I won't make fun of them.

IT'S NOT QUITE THE DEATH OF LIBERTY LUNCH

But among the shows I saw at The Back Room were the Lush/Ride double bill (two, two, two times the shoegazing!) and one of the nuttiest Young Fresh Fellows shows ever (which is saying a lot).

MERCH OF THE WEEK

And Sound Team are a damn fine band as well.

BUT PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD: NO CATS WHO LOOK LIKE COULTER

Coulter, or Hitler?

(Via the fine folks at AMERICAblog.)

NOVEMBER 3?

But we want it now!

(Ok, no more Simpsons references this week.)

HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP COUNTS AS A VEGETABLE

I still enjoy a Fluffernutter myself at least once a year, but in an elementary school cafeteria?

THIS THINGS WE BELIEVE

That it's fun to say "Duby".

That Echo and Bunnymen aren't "indie-rockers" (even if they're on an indie label).

That we don't need instructions to rock like ladies.

That it'd be funnier if Jim Bob Cooter played for Yale.

That there's just so much here you'll have to make the jokes yourself.

That if there was a single word that meant "the opposite of funny," we'd use it to describe the Nacho Libre trailer.

That when somebody says a record's likely to appeal to fans of Prefab Sprout, it's almost guaranteed it won't. Even if it includes an actual Prefab Sprout cover. (This does not apply, however, to the great Louis Phillippe.)

That the nicest thing we can say about Black 47's anti-war song is that it sucks less than the war.

That you'd think cats who look like Hitler would get old, but they don't.

They really, really don't.

MUST HAVE BEEN JENNA

'Cause we figure Barbara's too smart to like Radiohead.

;)

Yup, another lousy cell phone pic -- this one is of Portland ponce-pop masters Parks and Recreation, who were a bit short on showmanship but sounded just terrific -- well, as terrific as they could without the strings and horns -- at Doug Fir Wednesday.

WHAD's new favorite band are the American Pearlfishers; as a tunesmith and arranger, Michael Johnson is the rich man's Stephen Merritt. Sure would like to hear a better quality recording of his university recital.

Oh, and while we're not normally in the habit of explaining our references around here, the headline comes from their song "The Perfect Love."

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT POPBITCH?

The dudes stealing Guy from Coldplay's shoes are just too funny.

BEST STICKER IN OREGON

YEAH, HE WAS ALSO IN THAT OTHER MOVIE WITH THE "SCENT OF A WOMAN" GUY

"The guy who played Fredo?".

Yeesh. Kids today.

HOW'S IT GOIN' EH?

"In the fight against terrorism, we are all Canadians."

FUCK YES!

Please welcome Well Hung at Dawn's new spokesman Brett Hall. (Via Romenesko.)

HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE COUNTRY EITHER

Good stuff via AMERICAblog.

GRRRRRRRRRR... LIKE A YOUNGER VERSION OF HER MOTHER, BUT MORE JEWY

In this week's Entertainment Weekly, Gene Simmons talks about his new reality show and explains his philosophy of, y'know, fucking anyone he wants:

"...God has given you a blueprint that you're going to manufacture billions of sperm every single day. A guy doesn't have a choice in that. He also has testosterone going through his system."

Of course, this evolutionary biological imperative also dictates that men find sexually developed females attractive even if they're, say, 13.

Also, it really was a better world when we weren't allowed to see Gene without the make-up.

A DATE WITH LADY SOVEREIGN?

We wouldn't do it if she paid us $10,000.

Not to mention a guy could do just as well for the price of a plane ticket to London, tube fare to Brixton and a few rounds at the pub.

WE KNOW!

If carbon offsets are a fraud, does that mean we're not allowed to fly to the U.K. to see Julian anymore?

One thing's for sure, a Super Furry Animals tree is way cooler than a coffee mug.

TELLIN' STORIES

Hard to believe the first time I heard "One to Another" live was in front of, oh, approximately 124,900 more people than went to see the Charlatans in Portland tonight. "Sproston Green" still blew the roof off though.

WHAD WORLD CUP PREVIEW

June 10th, England vs. Paraguay, Frankfurt

Which over/under bet would you take for the month of June: Three Lions wins, or Doherty arrests?

June 11, Mexico vs. Iran, Nuremberg.

Damn. How are God-fearing patriotic Americans supposed to choose?!

Either way, it's bound to be a trial.

June 13, South Korea vs. Togo, Frankfurt.

Yum. Frankfurts to go.

June 14, Tunisia vs. Saudi Arabia, Munich.

We spent a night there once. Munich, that is.

June 14, Germany vs. Poland, Dortmund.

Don't mention the war.

WHAT'S ON JOHN LOCKE'S TIVO

Do they get The Sundance Channel in the Hatch?

HAMSTERDAM, BABY!

Swear to God, we recently proposed this as a joke.